Sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough If all the cash in the world would be good enough When I think of you, I wonder if I could treat you well enough How can I be good enough when my state of mind is mindless? Doubt infects the mind like a blinding virus Clouding judgement until I’m feeling lifeless It’s like this could be the last chance to write this— Poem, how could I ever know on my own If I only doubt myself when I’m alone? So please tell me if I’m good enough Maybe it’s a misunderstanding between us You tell me you love me, but act like you’re sick of me I act like I don’t care, but it’s killing me inside I could have lied, when I’m with you pride— Is worn like something tight— When I’m alone, it’s the exact opposite. When I’m lying down on my bed, All I think about is whether or not I’m good enough.
May 2012
Showcase
My ballet slippers are white as new My tutu is glittery and blue I kiss her on the cheek and here I go Off to the stage and see me glow Walk up the ladder, light dim, silence like no other My heart is pounding in my head, almost feels like I’m about to urinate Applause starts and down from the ceiling here I go Back straight, arms delicate now walk like a feather I am nervous and get the chills like cold weather I want to remind mommy’s little girl how we used to dance together No matter what obstacle, I’ll make it better I’ll always dance for her even if she is in a wheelchair The music of the violin was what she loved the most And the beach and the sand massaging her feet was her favorite memory But now things changed, despite I can’t hear her talk or see her dance I just need a smile and that’s what makes me feel marvelous Two weeks till the X-ray I pray that at least halfway she will make it okay Happy is where I would love her to stay And one day again we will dance ballet This dance is for her I would love her to know that dreams do come true Because here I am dancing for her Me being the swan in this play and defeating her pain This is my greatest joy and the end to this play A smile I got from her today Applause too for my first showcase
Home
Home is where the heart is A place where warmth and comfort can be A quiet place for just me Where I can be alone Even with everyone home Where I can eat all day and sleep all night Without anyone bothering me in sight Away from the world But still so close The world will always be an exciting place But home is where my heart is
Author of the Month: Kerri Sakamoto
Tell us about yourself.
I am a writer living in Toronto with my family that includes a busy husband, Danito, a 17-year-old stepson, Eric, and a very busy 5-year-old son, Teo. I have written two novels: The Electrical Field and One Hundred Million Hearts, and am just finishing a third, as yet untitled. I call myself a late bloomer because that’s what I have been in all aspects of my life—but I also think of myself as a tortoise, who will slowly and finally and happily reach the finish line.
When did you realize you had a passion for writing?
It was in grade 3 when my teacher read one of my stories aloud on Parent/Teacher Night. My mom was very proud. It was about how we had made a sock doll together.
What pieces of writing/authors have had the greatest impact on you?
That would be Another Country by James Baldwin, which I read in high school. It was the first thing I’d ever read that articulated my amorphous thoughts and feelings about race and sexuality. I felt I’d found a special sheltering place from the racism that had been part of my life.
How and when do you find time to write?
I write during the day while my son is in school. I am very fortunate that I’m now able to stay at home and write. I try to write something “good” each day. I write until I feel I’ve achieved that, whether it’s a paragraph or two pages. Of course, the next day, it may not seem acceptable. But that keeps me going from one day to the next.
What has been some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced as a writer?
Self-criticism. Writing requires a leap of faith. There aren’t the usual validations as in conventional jobs, so you have to find ways to buoy yourself up. But the joy of writing keeps me going, and the faith in words to give form to feelings and ideas, to inspire compassion and empathy among readers.
How have you changed as a writer over the years?
Having a family changed me a lot. In the past, I could retreat into seclusion to write and my writing was very introspective. My globe-trotting husband and 5-year-old son pull me out to a wider, fuller world. The worlds I create have grown wider and fuller too.